I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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