btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize