Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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