I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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