it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
