You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
