This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
