I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
