So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
