I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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