At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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