Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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