I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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