life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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