A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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