Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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