im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
