didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
