I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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