whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
