no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize