i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
