$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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