oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
