It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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