How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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