the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
