He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
