I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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