i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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