Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She bit a glass in half.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
