Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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