Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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