Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
