Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
