Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
