I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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