You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
