im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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