From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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