Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
