I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
