its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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