Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
