Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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