season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
