thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
