do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
