Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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