i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My life is pants optional.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
