so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
