i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
