I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
