I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
