Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
