You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
