i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
