what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize