I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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