i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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