did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
