My first STD was from a foam party
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
