Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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