The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
sex in a hospital.. check
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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