the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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