Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
