And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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