i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize