Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
