Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
