Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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