my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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