Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
