i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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